WELL IT'S BEEN A WHILE. And quite a few things have happened, let me tell you. But recently? One of the biggest? After eighteen years, as of last weekend, I am no longer a confirmed bachelor! :D I still can't get used to the fact that I have a GIRFRIEND now (and a pretty darn awesome one at that). It's kind of weird to think about. >.> But what EXACTLY does being in a relationship imply? Knowing myself, what all can I expect to see in my personal interactions and thoughts?
PROS:
- Well for one, let me tell you that hand-holding is awfully fun. ;) Even that small bit of contact with that significant other is enough to get my heart racing almost immediately. (even though it may inhibit my habit of talking with my hands ;)
- I don't have to worry about impressing anyone else but her. Whereas in the single stage, I have to be on my best behavior for everyone who I'm possibly "interested" in. I have to look my best, think of clever or witty statements, and try to charm all possible relationship options. Now that compulsion is gone, and I only have to look and act my best for her.
- She is a constant source of communication. No matter whether I'm feeling happy, upset, confused, or irritated; no matter whether I want to rant about something that happened, or show her a funny article; no matter whether I want to talk serious or lighthearted...she's always there. I never have a lack of a person to talk to and get good advice from. Which actually brings me up to the only item in my cons list.
CONS:
- I CAN'T TALK TO HER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME. Here's the MAIN problem I've come to realize I have with girls I like. When I first get to know them, everything is perfect. I can think of endless topics, enjoy witty banter, and be the perfect friend! But then when I realize I've developed feelings for them, I get awkward. AWKWARD. AND THE WORST THING IS IT'S STARTING TO HAPPEN AGAIN. Whenever I see her, my mind goes blank. She tries to start a conversation, and it goes for a few minutes until dwindling out and dying. Inside my head I'm screaming to myself, "TALK TO HER YOU IDIOT!! YOU LIKE HER!! MAKE HER LAUGH!!" while on the outside I become a recluse. *headdesk* I don't know if it's because some subconscious part of me realizes how much this girl means to me and doesn't want to mess it up with a stupid statement. But even a stupid statement would be better than awkward silence. >.>
*big sigh* It looks like I'm either Leaf Conybear who doesn't mind making a complete fool of himself, or Mr. Darcy who takes relationships with the utmost seriousness. Now if only I could find a way to combine the two and become the perfect boyfriend. Because I can guarantee you, if I don't find a way to make face to face conversations fun again (and fast), I'm going to lose this amazing girl. And that's the last thing I want to happen.
